{babbling}

So I know that I have neglecting this blog! I just thought at one time that I should delete it.

But, I have for sometime wanted to just use one as a journal. I am a pretty guarded person and I don't like to show how I feel. I have a million thoughts always running through my head. So I never know how to channel them into "clearly thinking" there I go not making any sense. I usually don't make any sense and ofter have to explain myself. I guess that is the fun of a blog that is my own. It means if I don't make any sense to anyone else then they don't have to read it.

So here goes my babbling.

This morning I had an experience where I was over come with the spirit. Caught up with it.

I decided to write things down as I think of them. I would like to believe as I think of spiritual things they are little glimpses of what Heavenly Father wants me to learn and gain a testimony on. I need to write them down just to sort out my own thoughts. So I thought this morning of what it means to Believe in Christ and to Believe Christ.

Is there a difference? After writing much why I do think there is a difference. I had a vision that humbled me to the point of weeping.

Maybe it is to sacred to share.

But, I can say this. I felt to incredible amount of how much Christ loves me.

I am so so imperfect.

After how much He loves me. Why do I not do more to profess his name? I renew covenants everyweek. But I take the bread like it is just bread. And I drink the water like it is JUST water.

No, this is so wrong.

There is a picture by Greg Olson of Christ breaking the bread for his Disciples. His hands are so humble and caring as he tares it. His eyes look as if He has the weight of the World on him....which he did.

He knew that he must carry out what any of us would think impossible.

He loves us that much.

The weight of the eternities, every human soul, every sin, sorrow, illness, ailment, grief, death, pain, aches, yearnings. Of EVERY person in EVERY life time, of all of Gods children, HIS brothers and sisters.

They were heaped on His shoulders. I wish I could of been in that room when he broke the bread and said "Take, eat; this is my body."

Then they drank the water, and he said "This is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins." In the footnotes of Matthew 26: 26 it says this is in remembrance of my body which I give a ransom for you.

Then they went out to the Mount of Olives.......

Oh the burdens he was carrying at that moment.

I need to be more humble. I need to remember the covenants and promises that were made on my day of baptism.

Like Nephi says. Oh wretched man I am. I feel so undeserving of His love. And his still offers it to me.

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me I tremble to know that for me he was crucified That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me Oh, it is wonderful Wonderful to me I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine That he should extend his great love unto such as I Sufficient to own, to redeem and to justify

Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me Oh, it is wonderful Wonderful to me
I think of his hands, pierced and bleeding to pay my debt Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget? No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet